BREAKING: McCain goes totally Maverick!!

I know it's alot to digest in one day, but during my morning spin through the news, I came across the following items that point to more ways in which John McCain is going to show his maverick colors.

This comes on the heels of news that McCain intends to use the free media to get his message across. Which, as we know, nobody's ever done before.

Just a warning, the transcriptions were hurried, because I wanted to get this news out. Apologies for the minor errors in copying.

From NBC:

Reports today indicate that John McCain will announce his plans to wear blue socks with his blue suits, but will wear gray socks with his darker suits on the campaign trail. This bold, mavericky move is certain to shore up support among the critical Republican base.

This on ABC news this morning:

Gibson: Breaking news this morning out of the McCain camp. McCain's advisers say that he intends to have his eggs scrambled instead of the more normal "fried."

Stephanopolous: Wow! I think this will set a whole new tone for the campaign that will have the other candidates re-thinking their position on this critical issue that is foremost on voters' minds.

Gibson: I couldn't agree more, George. This really highlights what a maverick he is.

From CBS:

John McCain today plans to announce a bold radical maverickish new initiative in which he promises that if he is elected president, he will use a black bic pen for writing. This will place him in stark opposition to the Obama and Clinton campaigns, which both tend towards blue. By using black ink, McCain will reinforce his maverick status among independents, many of whom cannot decide which color ink to use. This will show real leadership in a critical area.

From Reuters:

"McCain's camp issued a press release today stating that John McCain and his wife, Cindy, frequently have sex in positions other than the more traditional missionary position. A spokesman for the campaign note that as a maverick, John and Cindy frequently engage in "wife on top" style, but there are no reports of any other positions. When asked about it, McCain said that he'd have to check with his advisers to see what his other positions were. There's been no word yet from the Obama or Clinton campaigns in reaction to this revelation of McCain's utter maverickosity.

And

The AP is reporting today that Maverick© Republican John McCain is announcing his intention to do something really, really "out there." No word on what, but it wil certainly be mavericky.

This just in:

In an article from the journal Science physicists from CERN admit their inability to explain how it is that all of the maverickness contained within John McCain seems to defy the very laws of physics. "By now, according to several very credible theories, Mr. McCain should have collapsed upon himself, forming a black hole," explained physicist Carol McHeisenberg. "That kind of pure maverick energy is not normally found in such a concentrated form, except around the areas of black holes we in science call the 'maverick limit'." But," she continued, "no ordinary human should be able to withstand beta-maverick particles interacting with normal-space. We're very lucky to have him."

McCain's combination of normal energy with a more pure form of maverick-matter have caused scientists to rethink the entire structure of the universe.

Some have a simpler explanation. As theoretical physicist/political scientist Nelly Bore explained, "he might just contain alot of dark matter, which nobody has yet taken into account."

The problem for scientists is something they call the "McCain Corollary to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle," which states that one cannot know a maverick's true position while that person is at the same time in motion running for office.

"This makes studying him very difficult," admitted Henry Kramer. "It scares us to get too close to the subject. The explosiveness of maverick energy is well-understood and, well, we're afraid," he noted, continuing on that he had once wet himself just thinking about it.

At least, that's how I remember the stories.